We started off with gold stars and black marks. Good behavior = 1 gold star
Bad behavior = Black Mark
At the end of the month we would tally it all up and dole out $2 to each kid.
After a while, this system failed. The reward at the end of the month was too long a wait!!
We progressed to instant rewards and withdrawal of treats (I detest calling them punishments...makes me sound so cruel)!So for every good deed and nice behavior, they enjoyed an extra 10 minutes of playtime, piggyback ride on Dad's back to the loo and back, extra 5 minutes of bubble blowing during bathtime. And for bad behavior, it was 15 minutes deducted from 'sacred' half an hour of tv time a day or worse still 1 0 minutes of quiet time during play hour.
It seemed like I was always going...V- you miss 10 mins of tv this weekend, S- you have to sit and eat your dinner in the kitchen as you miss 10 mins of tv time and its your brothers turn to enjoy a tv dinner.And they went....' But amma, this is the program that I have been waiting for 2 weeks. Can I miss tv time tomorrow instead...pleeeeeaaase?', ' Howcome I got 15 mins of playtime cut yesterday while he only gets 10 mins of tv time cut today?' Amma, you are SO mean!!'
Aaargh...keeping track of who misses what and when and why was getting to me. Added to that, carrying forward these missing-of-treats was def making me go crazy. BUT the system worked. They hated missing their treats but I realized that it was the resentment towards the withdrawal of treats rather than the cause of it all that finally stuck in their heads.
There had to be a better way. A method where the kids happily accept the consequences and I am not seen as the in-house witch! And we found a system that works for us just nicely through one of their beloved Berenstein Bear books. Mamma Bear is pretty much in the same situation as me. And she brilliantly suggests chores for every bad bit of behavior!
So, now we have a list put up in the kitchen that reads:
Bloopers ----- Help Josie aunty (housekeeper) dust the furniture
Bad Table manners ------------ Wipe the table clean after x meals
Disrespect/Disobedience -------- help with odd jobs like putting away the dishes or putting away the shoes in the rack
The kids understand this better.The consequences are very clearly spelt out. So, no more negotiations, no more' You are the Meanest Mom', no more having to remember the whats and whys.
I love this constructive way of learning while realizing their follies. And it certainly helps that the kids are actually acquiring new skills which could come very handy in Finland where we are moving to soon. Super thrilled that they have especially become adept at cleaning the dining table. They will say it out aloud before carrying out the task: Clear dishes, wet cloth first, dry cloth last!
Yesterday, caught Vaibhav skewing his head and narrowing his eyes to check the table one last time for any hidden stains!Aah, the satisfaction of a job well done:-)
Thank you Mamma Bear!
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