The Big Bad 'D' Word

Truth is, its neither big nor bad anymore! Divorce is something that just happens and ever so commonly in this part of the world, that we now call home. It still is rare and kind of taboo in South East Asia(which we used to call home till recently) which is all about family and strong relationships.

The kids have been suddenly exposed to the entire concept.A little too soon for my liking! They have local friends in the neighborhood who live with their mother but visit their step mom and dad every other week when they also get to play with V and S. They have classmates who live with single parents who proudly claim that they have two houses and hence two playrooms. They've met friends of ours- women who are raising babies on their own and grannies who find gardening more worthwhile than husbands!

For kids who have never heard the word before, its been quite an education! Predictably, they were full of questions. Queries that just needed to be heard aloud but answers to which their hearts already knew.

Kids-Will the step- mom be mean to them?
Me-You've met Mrs. X several times. Do you think she is a mean person?

Kids-Why did the Mom and Dad have a fight?
Me- Its not about them fighting. They just were not best friends anymore

Kids-Why did they not make up and sorry?
Me- They did and are happier this way

Kids-Do we have any step-brothers or sisters?
Me-I sure hope not :-)

I'm learning that however much you shield your kids from certain realities in life, they just sneak right into their lives when you least expect them to. This was just a topic we had never discussed. We never had an opportunity to bring it up.It did not occur in the TV shows they watched,books they read, movies they saw or families they interacted with. It was just not in their sphere of thought....till now.


So now, they know that families can be structured differently.People can have two moms or dads and love them all. With that minimum information stored somewhere deep inside their heads and hearts, my little innocents run to the door to greet their friends and also pop in a cheery 'Hello' to their friends' step-mom!

Madras Magic!

I know I'm not supposed to call it Madras but Chennai. But to me, it will be Madras as that's how I've always known it!

Now, I've no strong feelings, attachments, memories with this place. The city is beyond hot, very cluttered and is yet another concrete jungle! I did not grow up here and it was always the 'big city' where I performed (Bharatnatyam, Indian classical dance) or went to a performance!

But Madras means something completely different to my kids. They simply love it! And its easy to see why. They have both sets of their grandparents living there and if that's not reason enough, they get ridiculously pampered in this very city! Having been fortunate enough to travel half the world around, my kids will still rank Madras as their top 3 destinations!

We make a trip atleast once every year and each time, everytime the kids' excitement levels peak! Anticipating their adoring grandparents faces at the airport, visiting the Elliots and Marina beach every single day and having their every whim and fancy catered to- they cant wait for the trip to happen!

I'm glad that they have such strong emotions with an Indian city which they have never called home. I'm touched that they don't find the streets, public toilets or litter revolting. I'm amazed at how they have on the contrary embraced it all as part of the magic that is Madras!

What we do to keep ourselves busy in Madras:

- A day trip to Dakshinchitra- has tons of art and craft activities for the little ones (fantastic open exhibits of art and culture - one place where you will be as enthralled as your kids)

-Gangotri: where we go for our regular fix of chaat (Indian street food served not in the streets but in a hygienic little cafe)

- FunCity: This is a supervised indoor play gym where the kids can go crazy for an hour or so when you can actually shop!

- Elliots and Marina beach: Beware, the beaches are not as clean as they should be. But its more fun than any clean beach! Guaranteed unadulterated pure joy! Kids can go on a bunch of rides, frolic in the water and get so tired that they'll want to hit the sack the minute you go home!

- JuiceShop on Greams Road: This is a drive-in juice shop! Simple thrill- Beating the heat with chilled glasses of fresh juice served right inside the car. My all time favourite is the Mosambi with a dash of lemon!

- Marundeeshwarar Temple: Its a beautiful age-old temple! But what holds it special for the kids is that they can feed the temple calves! The special grass/cow feed can be bought right outside the temple for a few Rupees. Watching the calves munch away while your little ones feed it will definitely be a Kodak moment!

Loving ISH!

Its been 10 days since the International School of Helsinki threw its doors open to a new term. The school is everything I expected and so much more. A small community- just about 300 kids from K1 to K12- the ISH is a dream come true for any kid!



Why I'm loving it:

- V who started 2 nd grade has 13 kids in his class with Mrs. L as his classteacher. She gives the impression of being this warm and kind grandmother who somehow lost her way and ended up in a 2nd grade classroom! Within a week, I got to know more about Mrs. L's health issues, dog and husband than about where she's taught before or the curriculum to be covered. V rattled off snippets about her every evening at dinnertime. When I asked him how he got to know so much, so soon about his teacher, he simply said " we take breaks inbetween work and we share a lot (Good Lord!!) about ourselves. Afterall, we are classmates". Huh, not Mrs.L right? She's your teacher.
"Of course ma, but she's also my classmate....we share the same room"!! Love the way V thinks of Mrs. L as his classmate and not his form teacher!

-S's K2 teacher is a propah, pretty, and very young British lady who I've observed is forever on her knees looking into the eyes of some 5 year old's, listening to every word as if the information coming out is going to change the face of the earth the next minute. I was curious as to what these little imps could possibly say that holds Ms K in trance-like concentration. I got to know soon, as we were early one morning when yet again Ms K was with one of her VIPs. And this is what I heard- " Ms K I'm sorry but I think I forgot to wear my underpants today"!!

- Inspite of the bum skimming shorts and weird hairdo's I've noticed the upper school kids actually holding doors, greeting and even smiling at parents (even the ones they don't know as yet...like me!). To me, that's a great sign and one that communicates about the kind of values that the school imparts.

-The boundaries are seamless. Upper School, Lower school, Faculty, Staff- these are all just words and in paper. In reality, everybody knows everybody and they all work under one roof. Its lovely to watch an 8th grader casually ruffle a kindergarten kid's hair while ambling into the cafeteria. And its equally great to watch the little ones jump and shout as they excitedly run to an older friend!

- The Mad Minute is something like we have at home. Only difference is that ours is not restricted by time! V tells me the Mad Minute is a time to get all the madness out!Sometimes they go all nuts and finish 15 sums in a minute or simply act crazy and silly and then feel better! What a brilliant idea. Every 7 year old needs that release of pent up craziness!

- S's class is huge and even houses a mini icecream parlour. Kids take turns in being the icecream seller and I was allowed once and only once (by my daughter) to be on the other side and choose my flavours. As a mother I was of course allowed to pay with kisses :-)

- V remembers and associates all his classmates with an adjective that describes their most striking quality(a super idea implemented by their Music teacher). For example he will say something like " Bouncy Bruno and Rock N Roll Romy ate lunch with me today". And to his friends, he is 'Voracious Vaibhav'!

- They are all off on an all day picnic on Friday! S will be at her teddy bear picnic when she and the other kindergartners+teachers will bring along their favourite teddies for some outdoor fun. V and the rest of the Lower school are going to some faraway hillside to bond over food and games. No packed lunches on Friday.. Yippee!

Its like a whole new world that's opened up for us in Helsinki. And the more I interact, talk and chat with parents from Argentina, Lithuania, Moscow and Chicago, I just realize how different we are culturally and yet how very similar our fears and hopes and lives are!

Looking forward to more of the ISH experience!!

Our little Miss Sunshine

Our trip to Italy was perfect in every sense save for one unfortunate incident that happened early on in the vacation. The husband's wallet got stolen on one of the busy metros. The loss was about 100 euros and all his identity and credit cards!Thankfully he had the rest of the cash in a safe place. But this episode rattled us to say the least! How, who, why...questions filled our heads.Having lived long spells in cities like Singapore and now Helsinki (our trips to India don't count as we are forever being shepherded by family) where safety and trust are so taken for granted, we were rudely welcomed back to the real world!


We rushed to a police station to register a complaint. But to add further salt to our wounds, we faced this huge barrier called language!! We lumbered across town with heavy hearts to 4 different stations only to find that none of the staff there spoke English!As we were waiting at one such station, the husband and I were discussing what to do next in low tones. We took it in our stride and told ourselves that it could happen to anybody (and it did to seven other people , the same day, the same metro- Barberini for those of you who want to know). But the disappointment in the Dad's face was writ large. Being the most responsible character at home, I guess he was upset that he could be taken advantage off than even losing the stuff. That's when we noticed two pairs of eyes keenly watching our every move.


V&S were quiet throughout the afternoon. I guess they had only read about thieves and never actually come across any. We explained to them how these things do happen and the Dad took the opportunity to highlight the fact that in such cases it is best to remain calm and composed and look for solutions, like we were doing just then.

They nodded their heads absorbing it all in. V then asked if we'd have money for the next meal, live on the streets of Helsinki when we get back and if we were officially now 'poor'. Justifiable seven year old worries!

The little girl suddenly blurted out ' Dada, I don't see the whole fuss behind this! Amma says that the bank will give you new cards. You tell me that you have a job where the money lost can be easily made back. So why are you all looking so sad? Is it because of the wallet? Was it a special gift? Don't worry, V has several at home and I'll ask him to give you his best wallet, ok? Now, can we please go and get some gelato?'

If only we can always, always be like you, Shriya! Seeing the positive in everything and shrinking problems to nothing! She'll never sweat the small stuff and according to her everything is really small stuff!! I don't know how much we taught you from this rather invasive real-life incident, but you sure did teach us a thing or two that day, Little Miss Sunshine!

Our Italian Itinerary

Italy can be done in a week, month or over several trips. There's so much to do, see, eat and experience that we decided (even before actually going there) that we'll need to make more than one trip.

Overwhelming is what comes to mind when I think of Rome. There's just way too much to see in that one city. Being our last vacation before school started and having just come back from our hectic Eastern European trip, the kids and husband were very clear that they wanted to 'chill' on this vacation! It was 3 of them against me. Not that I'm against chilling but come on, nobody goes to Rome to do that!


So, that's how we ended up doing the sights and sounds in 7 days that most people will pack in 3 days! A compromise of sorts! We would start our day at a leisurely 11am after breakfast and decide where and what to have for lunch immediately after! All sightseeing began only after that. But I couldn't complain for long as the sun didn't go down till 9.30pm and we did get to see and experience all the touristy stuff, but one at a time. If we did the Colosseum one afternoon, then the evening was spent at the Villa Borghese parks. The Bocca Dela Verite (mouth of truth) I would have normally skipped. But just watching the kids fret, hesitate and worry before putting their hands in the mouth for a fleeting second was well- worth the hour long journey that it took us getting there.Many a leisurely hour went by at the Spanish steps eating gelato and watching people. Suited me very well! Allowed me to soak it all in at a very relaxed pace.

We had done our fair bit of research and learning before we went on this trip. The kids were visibly excited and rattled off history and facts when they sighted the Trevi Fountain and Pantheon. I knew the very best gelato place in all of Rome which meant we had to trek halfway across town before we could relish those extra special delights.The kids knew all the popular Italian flavours like Crema (egg and cream), Fior Di Latte (just milk), Fruitti De Bosco (raspberry.. I think) which justified the very frequent gelato breaks that we took.

Rome is like an open museum. Ruins and history everywhere you look. And without the right guidance or expert tips from the locals you could easily pass by something spectacular without even realizing it. We were lucky to get a lot of advice from our very Italian owner and housekeeper of the place where we were staying. They suggested we take a trip to Orvietto, a little hill town in Umbria. And we did just that.

I can easily say that Orvietto was one of the best things that happened to us. It is such a hidden jewel just a couple of hours from Rome. Sun drenched hills with sloping vineyards, quaint little ceramic stores and quiet cafes alternatively lining narrow streets, an exquisite cathedral bang in the middle of the market square- it gave us a peek into the 'real' Italy. The exact kind of break we needed from Rome!

Recharged from our little getaway we came back with added vigour to take in more of Rome. But when it came to choosing between seeing more ruins at the Forum or walking through Trastevere, a charming suburb famous for its food, the latter won hands down. We might have missed a few sights but what we will always remember are the walks we took down the beautiful parks, the birds we fed in front of the Vatican, the gelatos that we licked off each others cones and the afternoon we spent atop a hill gazing down the rolling Italian countryside!

The Art of Doing Nothing

Idling is such a bad word these days. A word most people cannot even understand forget relish. Just the other day, the kids were asking me about how I spent weekends without any television or even a library. Saturday mornings - Aah, the very phrase conjures certain inexplicable aromas, tastes and memories. The main event of the day was the herbal oil massage. This was followed by a thorough bath (administered by my mom), not in the blessed safety of the bathroom but out in the open backyard. Seated on the washing stone with an old petticoat thrown over my head, I was but a quiet observer watching the myriad activities happening around me for my benefit. Our house help would be instructed to continuously pour lukewarm water over my head while my mother would scrub and rub with great vigour. Gram flour and shikakhai and god knows what else would be massaged on to my body and hair. My mother would do it all with graceful abandon that comes only with years of practice. Whilst I was worried that I'd probably become blind due to a straying blob of shikhakai in my eye, my mother would carry on with her job, casually exchanging pleasantries over the common wall with the neighbor.

The post bath activities included the elaborate process of drying the hair. Now, you might just wonder how long could that take! Switch on the hair dryer and get done with it, right? But not according to my Mother! She would have hot burning coal ready, on which the Sambrani powder (Benzoin Resin which is widely used in India not just for drying hair but to prevent colds as well!) would be gently sprinkled. This would give rise to smoky and yet fragrant snake-like vapours over which my long tresses would be gingerly fanned out . It took ages for any drying to happen but gave ample opportunity to slip into a semi-comatose state.

After such a bath, a lunch of pepper infused garlic rasam accompanied with roasted potatoes and rice vadam (crisps)followed by a long nap was a must.No interruptions from television programs, no classes to rush to , no errands to run. Just an entire day devoted to stress-free indulgences. My job on Saturdays was to do 'nothing' but simply succumb to the ministrations, massages and meal.

I saw my kids looking at me with screwed up noses. "All your Saturdays were spent bathing, eating and napping? That's it?"

Well, what can I say! My Saturdays were spent in a little town were time stood still.My life was attuned to a different rhythm- a pace which was comforting, calming and ever so carefree, where doing nothing was not considered a crime but a way of life!

Post Vacation Lunch

We just got back from a fantastic vacation in Italy!After 8 days of spectacular Italian food (post on this coming soon), our tongues craved for the familiar and reassuring tastes of rasam, pickle and yogurt rice. We've had our fill of comfort foods and are now back to basics and concentrating on getting the house back in shape, preparing for school which starts in 10 days and catching up on work.

Our super simple lunch this afternoon- Toasted multigrain bread stuffed to the gills with garlicky guacamole, buffalo mozzarella and summer tomatoes. It cant get simpler, healthier or tastier than this!